10 thoughts to ponder in 2009

Number 10: Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6: Some people are like a Slinky … Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5: Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3: Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2: In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2009: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.